I get depressed. I'll start my routine at 3 am cuz thats when i turn out the lights, turn off the tv, and go to sleep. I wait fer my sleeping pills to kick in, so while I wait, I lay there and think about how lame my life is.

I know I'v got more than other people but i'v still lost so much. My legs contantly kick n twitch (kinda like havin someone walking behind you and kickin yer heels with every step, EVERY STEP, duzn't hurt but very annoying.)  So I fall asleep only to be wokin 2 hours later by my nursing staff snoring, me boiling hot and unable to move the covers or my arms havin a muscle spasm and pushin the covers off me and then i'm frezzin cold.

So I call for my nurse (sometimes forget who is workin) but I call. I don't hear any movement so I call a bit louder. (Some staff wake up right away but some also don't wake up at all) I end up waking my roomate up and he has to wakem up for me. So either I get turned over to my other side, which means turning my light on and taking all the blankets off. (cuz they will jus get in the way)

hmmmmmmmm brrrrrr. Got to move my night drainage system to the other side of my bed, then tugged rolled and pulled back n forth a few times, making sure my soaker pad is not all wrinkled up under me. (Soaker pad is a 2n1/2 by 2n1/2 sheet pad that is placed under me in case my condom blows off or I crap my self in the middle of the night)

Meanwhile through all of this my legs n arms are spazzin out cuz my body dosen't like to be handeled or touched. My blankets are placed back on me and I try to fall back asleep. Sometimes I wake back up, sometimes I don't. Jus before 8 am i wake up to my staff using the bathroom and getting ready to go home. 8 am is also shift change for my staff. So I fall back asleep or get turned.

If it's bowel routine day, then,(oh boy, this will be a long one) 8am the new staff member,who ever it is, wakes me up, I get flipped over n lay on my left side cuz it's safer to lay on yer left side when having fingers inserted up yer but. So my nurse puts on the gloves grabbs a tube of k-y gellly and a Suppositorie, another name is the Silver Bullet cuz they are the size and shape of a bullet. So nurse lubes up her fingers n the bullet and shoves it up my but.(this is somtin you don't want to go through, belive me. being erotic is one thing, havin some stranger shove a Supp up yer ass is a whole different ballpark) Some smaller dispoasable soaker pads are placed under my but to clean up the mess.

So I try n fall back to sleep n wait fer the Supp to melt. About 2 hours later the games begin. I do my bowel routine in bed cuz I don't feel like sittin on the toilet for 2 1/2 hours. So after 2 hours either I start going by my self or I call the nurse  (remember, nurse doesn't always mean woman) my nurse will come back in check if I'v started to go. If yes then they clean me up, if no then the gloves go on, the k-y gelly is spread and in go the fingers. I sit n wait a few minutes. This usally does the trick. By this time I'v got the fan going on high n the incense a burnin. A few more styms and a few more clean-ups and I'm done. I'v probably done my catheter by now and I'll jus let my penis air out cuz wearing a condom for 12 hours can really play a role on yer skin. So now it's time to take a shower.

Blankets are thrown off and my Mediman Lif is brought into my room.(lift looks exacly like an engine lift) or my ceiling lift is used.   It's very depressing having to be lifted out of yer bed with a engine lift. So a sling is placed under my naked body, kind looks like a sling that a stork carries a baby. Makes me feel like a baby too. More like a decrepid incompataint depressed fuck up. Anyways  the lift is put into place and then lowered. The sling is hooked up and then i'm lifted up. ( Meanwhile I pray that I don't piss or crap my self durring this ordeal) Then pulled back from my bed and then my Spinalcordcam is placed in the hallway to show the trecherious task of triing to put a spazztick cold naked body into an even colder, plastic wheelchair. As I'm lowerd into the chair my body stiffins up and duzn't want to sit down. So my nurse tugges n pulls n fidgetts my body till it gets used to the cold chair. My feet are stapped down cuz they jus kick n kick n kick. I'm rolled back into my wheel in shower. Which I'v had to convert so I can use it.  My bathtub ripped out, a higher toilet put in, a new slidding door and the whole floor was tiled.

So the water is turned on (duzn't matter if it's hot er cold cuz I can't feel hot er cold or water for that matter) I'll jus sit with my eyes closed n wait while my nurse washes my hair n scrubs me down. This is a 45minute to an hour routine so it's a very basic scrub down. Water is turned off, I'm dried off, but I didn't get off. I'm wheeled back in my room and whichever lift I decide to use, my nurse gets the sling, pulls and wriggles it under my but the lift is lowerd and hooked up and up I go back to bed.  It's probably 12 noon by now. If I have any bed sores their takin care of. My new condom is put on, hooked up to my leg bag, socks, underwear, pants. Sling is put back under me, lift is brought back into place. My power wheel chair is brought in my room and I'm lifted into my power chair.

(ahhhhh, too tired to continue...)